Why the Vessyl Water Bottle is the Dumbest Product in Tech

What is data-love? It’s a new term I’ve dubbed for the fanatical need for data. A term to describe tech fiends who must tally and track every single body movement, calorie consumed (or burned), and minute spent in the bathroom. And while I’m in love with the idea of making healthy living and fitness an efficient and measurable thing, I need to explain to you why and how this has gone too far. And I can do it with one brand new $99 tech product.

Meet Vessyl: A water bottle that plans to make the world dumber. Don’t believe me? Watch and read below.

It’s likely you’ve seen the ad on Facebook below. Vessyl is modern, attractive, and has a digital display. It took SEVEN (the ad below is incorrect) years of research to build (yes, a water bottle) and costs $99. So what does Vessyl do? Vessyl tells you what you’re drinking (because clearly you forgot), the temperature of your beverages, tracks how many ounces have been poured in and out of it per day, and it even calculates kilo-calories consumed based on the liquid inserted, all through its connected smartphone application. Oh, and it shows you how full your water bottle is. Are you face-palming yet?


The technological merit of this “smart” device is completely non-existent. I don’t know about you, but I can tell pretty well if my beverage is hot or cold using my hands, lips, and mouth. In addition, I’ve been able to track my daily liquid intake with the MyFitnessPal app just perfectly fine using my most useful technological tool: My brain. What happened to tracking behavior with your own memory? Is human error such a problem that I can’t document how many times I refilled my water bottle or thermos? God knows the ounce measurement on my Nalgene is far too outdated.

I get it, if you’re overweight, perhaps tracking how much soda and beer you’ve gone through per day could be valuable data. But with Vessyl aimed at the data-love fitness crowd, I find it hard to believe anyone purchasing this  isn’t already chugging enough water throughout the day. Also, is anyone really going to pour their beer or wine into this over a nice wine glass or pint? Are you seriously going to pour your Starbucks beverages out of the container they gave you?

For me, Vessyl is a complete gimmick. And worse, it’s a gimmick people are going to pay for. While the Fitbits and Nike Fuelbands of the world could also fit into this argument, at least they track data I couldn’t calculate in my head in under a minute. The only benefit being achieved with Vessyl is the brief water cooler chatter at work about your new toy. If you have a counter-argument, I’d love to hear it, but I’ll be sticking to my Camelbak.

Don’t buy this water bottle, data-love fiends.


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  • Chad Gainor

    Counter argument..

    I’ve been looking for a water bottle that can track the amount of water I consume and prod me to drink more when necessary. They pop up occasionally on Kickstarter but they’re fugly, and they barely get funded. Looks like this thing will track hydration, plus it looks cool, and the spill-proof lid appears to be well-designed.

    Otherwise, your argument has some merit.

    • SuperMammal

      If you feel thirsty drink. I’m sure if you’re so concerned about water consumption, the only problem you might be facing is too much water.

      • Chad Gainor

        Sure is a difficult word; it implies absolution.

        I don’t currently drink enough water, but I do enjoy gadgets. Maybe if I buy a cool-looking, bluetooth-enabled, wireless-charging glass with spectrometers in it I’ll drink more water.

        • Velocet 8

          I hope not. I’d prefer people like you desiccate into oblivion.

    • newsynthesis

      Counter argument to your dumb counter augment. Count on one had the number of 12-16 oz bottles you dumped down your gullet during the day by using that big computer in your head and the faintest amount of memory, then multiply by 12 or 16. Save money.

      • Chad Gainor

        I want technology to count water for me, and now there is technology that will do just that. If I’m willing to spend $100 that I earned on a thing that I want, who are you to criticize that decision?

        • newsynthesis

          A righteous-minded citizen, I suppose… pointing out that the $100 you spend on something that enables your laziness could prevent starvation and malnourishment in half a dozen countries around the world, including ours. It doesn’t matter how much money you have or if you already give significant amounts to charity. Don’t fool yourself. You are making a choice.

          There’s also the matter of supporting stupidity at a time when brains such as those behind Vessyl could be creating technologies that are more transformative or useful, but the practitioners of today’s capitalism seem far more interested in achieving the future as portrayed in WALL-E.

          Got one more thing to say. Stop consuming *things* ad nauseum. This does not bring happiness.

          • Chad Gainor

            Not everyone has the creativity to make impactful products (or decent arguments). Some products are self-driving cars, while some are bluetooth water cups. Lots of products. Consume. Economy.

            Things can bring happiness, depending how one’s brain is programmed.

          • Velocet 8

            If a bluetooth water cup brings you happiness, your brain is not properly programmed…

        • Velocet 8

          “I want technology to count water for me,”
          is company shill code for
          “I’m a shill for this company”

    • Nabend1401

      So many humans died, from caveman times til the 1990s simply because they forgot to drink. Why does our body not have some way to warn us that we are about to die from dehydration. But no, you could just be walking down the street and BAM… dead from dehydration. This 200 dollar cup will save billions of lives.

      • Chad Gainor

        I can handle not dying of dehydration without a $100 cup.

        I’m a Google Glass Explorer.. I’m replying to your idiotic comment on a Retina Macbook. My main PC, which I built, has 3 40″ LEDs and an Xbox One woven nicely into the setup. I’ve got a Surface table sitting in the corner and an NFC chip on standby, should I ever decide to experiment with it.

        I know everything science knows about the human body, and more about technology than you can fathom, which is why this product intrigues me.

        Thanks for playing.

        • Yeah ok

          You sound 100% like you work for the company that made this product.

          “I know everything science knows about the human body”

          I’m a scientist. I actually have a Master’s in physics from UCSD, and I’ve studied many areas of science.

          You’re a fraud.

          • Chad Gainor

            Nah, freelance IT consultant, community activist.

            I have Google.

          • Velocet 8

            “I’m a Google Glass Explorer”
            is douchebag code for
            “I’m a douchebag”

            “freelance IT consultant, community activist”
            is wannabe hacker code for
            “wannabe hacker”

        • Nabend1401

          All this tells me is that you like to brag about the expensive things you have. I cannot express in words how little I care about your toys and status symbols.
          And as to your knowledge… You really do sound like the very model of a modern Major General.

        • Dan Lewis

          “I know everything science knows about the human body”

          And yet I’m guessing you haven’t had much actual hands-on experience with the opposite sex.

      • Velocet 8

        And it only took 7 YEARS to develop.

        Go humanity.

    • Guest

      >I’ve been looking for a water bottle that can track the amount of water I consume

      Try this:

    • nm

      >I’ve been looking for a water bottle that can track the amount of water I consume

      try this:

    • Velocet 8

      Obvious corporate shill is obvious.

  • jack of all trades

    I think where Vessyl really fails is their branding. What you got out of the product and its use is what basically the rest of the world got.

    Counter argument…
    Where it’s really useful is calorie tracking and how it can tell how many calories including protein, carbs and fat you’re consuming. When you order your starbucks sugared but non-fat drink, do you know how many calories you’re consuming on that? How about that morning smoothie? You can make the silly argument that I won’t pour my starbucks out of their cup and into mine, but you could just as simply hand them the cup and ask them to make it in there.

    I do find it a head scratcher though on the who’s going to pour their beer and coke and wine into this.

    • TechVoid

      Yes, but MyFitnessPal, for instance, already can tell you how many calories are in each drink. Or, yes, the nutrition facts found any menu or fast food website. We’re also assuming the Vessyl is always right on the money. Will have to see to believe.

  • Elliot Young

    Multi-tasking is a neurological fallacy, (you can’t actually do it without slowing things down), so the ability to have a smart device keep track of how much caffeine you’re taking in with your cups of coffee, how much water your taking in, etc. with your beverages is definitely a time and brain-saving feature, allowing you to focus more on things that matter (like your work writing). If you would rather try to keep track yourself, good on you, but many people, (like myself) consume far too many beverages throughout the day to be able to accurately and efficiently keep a tally, especially through all the day’s work. While the price is somewhat steep, we must remember that this tech is groundbreaking in both its size factor and usage. Remember the first iPods? iPhones? Every piece of new tech comes at a premium price to back that R&D, willingly paid by those who can afford it, allowing lower prices for mass consumer consumption later down the road. Just a little bit of economics applied in everyday life here for ya.

    • SuperMammal

      Get a life

    • viper3ez

      yes, brain saving i agree with. save your brain all the way to retardation

    • Mondego

      If remembering how many beverages you drank is giving you a noticeable time and brain energy burden, then you have problems that even a smart cup wont solve.

    • Harper33

      If you are so concerned with what you are consuming in a day, then why are you drinking “far too many beverages”? Drinking your calories so much you forget what you consume counters caring about what you are consuming. Most health conscious people consume water as 90% of their beverage intake.

      Plus in the time it took you to write this paragraph long comment you could have added all your beverage intake for the day into a free website and got all the info you needed and that is also a “time and brain-saving feature allowing you to focus more on things that matter”.

      • nm


        the solution to drinking “far too many beverages” is to drink fewer “beverages”, or switch to water.

    • Too obvious, Elliot

      You sound 100% like you work for the company, and you make it very obvious.

      • A. Peezy

        I agree with a lot of these points. However this tracking is adding valuable info. People don’t track what they drink– I understand your smart and can look over what you have drunk– but a lot of people are not. (I am not from MarkOne.)

    • Norik

      God forbid i ever use my brain for any thing else other than WORK! KEEP YOUR HEAD IN THE CODE BABY!

    • Velocet 8

      “the ability to have a smart device keep track of how much caffeine you’re taking in with your cups of coffee, how much water your taking in, etc. with your beverages is definitely a time and brain-saving feature, allowing you to focus more on things that matter”

      If the amount of brain power required to understand your beverages is at all significant in relation to your total brainpower available, you have bigger problems than how much caffeine or water you’re ingesting.

      If thinking “this is my third cup of coffee/water” in addition to doing something else qualifies as “multitasking”, you’re probably too stupid to care about.

      Also…you sound like an obvious shill for the company, nothing more.

  • Sino

    The idea here is to help people figure out more about what they’re consuming. Not a lot of people know how to stay properly hydrated. They need more water based on the amount of caffeine and other crap they eat or drink. This product is almost like a game to help people see what needs to be done to properly hydrate. I’m sure it’ll spark a lot more concern once those people see totals on how much fat, sugar, etc they’ve consumed in a day/week/month. If someone calculated out how many calories you’ve had in a week or month or even year, you can easily see how much empty weight you’ve put on. 3500 calories = 1LB. 0 Calories in water, 200 Calories in a soda, etc. The idea here is in the totals. People are not morons (At least not the ones I keep around), they can figure out what they’re drinking and that it may not be the best for them, but they can’t tally it all up easily and they don’t want to be bothered to figure out the totals. This is a great concept, It’ll make people aware of how much garbage they’re drinking and what needs to be done to properly hydrate.
    Stop being a hater.

    • TechVoid

      You might be missing some of my points if you think this is about hate. The people who want to buy this likely already know how much garbage they are/are not consuming. I find the utility lacking. I respect your opinion as well, just not the labeling.

    • newsynthesis

      Can’t they just look at the nutritional info on the side of the can or bottle they just poured into this dumb fucking “technology”?

    • Velocet 8

      “People are not morons”
      They are if they have any use for this product.

  • Harryc

    If you wish to calculate your hydration status accurately with a portable device buy an osmocheck. Alternatively combining the monitoring of body mass reduction from your hydrated weight with use of Armstrongs 1994 urine colour chart gives quite an accurate evaluation.

  • newsynthesis

    There is no reasonable counter argument. A better device would be one that senses roofies or rohypnol if you pour your unattended cocktail into it.

    • q

      indeed, the question would be why these people aren’t using their talent on something life-saving like that?

  • Doctor__Awesome
  • So if MyFitnnessPal already does it then no one else should make a competing experience – that’s like saying – why did Samsung make a phone when Apple already made one that does the same thing? Vessyl actually has some really interesting applications for people with diabetes for example to manage their sugar intake and also if you only drink a small portion at time for example vs a whole can. You could replace Fuel bands with a notepad and google maps but the key to behaviour change is making things simple.

  • Velocet 8

    It does have one serious use. It monitors and logs your choices and habits automatically, which I’m sure transmits valuable data to the manufacturer for them to sell. I’d like to see your stupid analog dishes silently sell your private data for a faceless company to profit from, grandpa!!

  • DarkHuntress

    I love this idea and will buy the cup. Sorry. But then again, I love gadgets!

  • Benedict Luk

    ‘Are you seriously going to pour your Starbucks beverages out of the container they gave you?’
    Obviously Starbucks doesn’t do ‘Bring Your Own Mug’ in your area.

  • ubi

    really, my brain is so stupid that can not track what I am drinking? every time all this devices just are making us more and more lazzy.¡¡¡ and by the way all is about MONEY.